Entry 42: Fall to the center of the heart

Kiara :: I’ve heard from Leo. He said that there’s a wall with a design of Rin Tohsaka on it. The Labyrinth is full of walls of the heart, and fragments of Rin take shape there — I thought perhaps it might be at this level. That sculpture is unmistakably the true body of Rin Tohsaka. Surrounding that area are the husks of the heart. And inside it Rin’s true heart is sleeping. If you can succeed in the conversion of her heart from the wicked thoughts that fill it, Rin will be freed from the husks and return to her right mind.

So the real Rin really is in there…But how can we get inside like Lancer did? Sakura said she couldn’t make a gate, so maybe we need some special program working on a different system from normal wizardry, like the Five Thought-Stopping Meditations —

Kiara :: …yes. However, it’s a secret technique I’m forbidden to share with outsiders, I cannot simply initiate you into it on a moment’s notice. But, I can help you get inside. You’ve obtained many of Rin’s secrets, Hakuno. If you have three, a deeper psyche-dive should be possible. But, a warning: a person’s true heart will reject visitors without exception. If you go inside, you won’t be able to avoid a confrontation. So please prepare as much as you can. I will wait before the image of Rin, so come when you’re ready.

[Back into the Labyrinth and to the Rin-relief! Make sure to select "Goal Point" as your start if you're playing along, otherwise you have to play through the level again.]

Kiara :: I see…so this is a wall of the heart made inside the Labyrinth…seen in person, it’s quite enchanting, isn’t it?

Leo :: Enchanting…? Not…beautiful but painful to see?

Kiara :: Yes. The form of one imprisoned in her own heart, unable to express her true self…that anguish is the proof of life. A wall like this could not be made if its owner did not possess a great spirit. Strength, pain, all of it, I find enchanting and fascinating. But that’s enough chatting. Once you’re inside, our voices will not reach you. And you won’t be able to leave by your own will. The only way out will be to convince the owner of this heart. Are you prepared?

[>] No problem, let's go!
> I’d like a little more time…

I nod, no problem, in answer to Kiara’s question. I’m fully prepared to confront the real Rin…!

Kiara :: Good. Now, Hakuno, I will convert you into a more subtle virtual spiritron form.

Jinako :: Just the Master? Shouldn’t you do the Servant too?

Kiara :: Of course I will also apply the treatment to Caster, but a Servant is bound to the same spiritron gradation as their Master. If I alter his Master Hakuno’s virtual spiritron gradation, her Servant’s spiritron composition will automatically alter as well.

Jinako :: Servant and Master share the same life level…this just gets more and more occultish…

Kiara :: Sakura, please provide support. Calmly, as I showed you before.

Sakura :: Y-yes, I’ll do my best…! I’ll use all my processing power, and keep the conversion error margin within 0.00001!

Kiara :: That’s very promising. I’ll be counting on you. Now, Hakuno, close your eyes and relax your body. Entrust your consciousness to me. Now — let us reach the peak of the dasabhumi and descend, reflect the nature of the Buddha and fall. Houun, zensou, fudou, ongyou, genzen, nanshou, en, myouchi, riku, kangi —

[That’s a chant, not regular words, but the meaning of the kanji in it is something like this: law of clouds, virtuous thought, motionlessness, fast movement, before my eyes, impossible victory, flames, bright earth, cleansing, great joy.]

Sakura :: Temporarily separate the soul-concept from the virtual body.  Disassembling pure information structure, after conversation, establishing size and form concepts as a border. Substituting Master: Rin Tohsaka, for numerical values. After arrival in the deep mentally imaged space zone, the virtual body will be reconstructed — Spiral, start! Miss Kiara, safeguards, please!

[I tried my best to get some picture of what Kiara does here. Also Hakuno turns into a pink glowing orb which Kiara closes between her hands and sends into the wall.]

— my consciousness blurs into white. Kiara’s voice flows into my ears. My thoughts relax in this warmth, and a second becomes a thousand seconds, a thousand seconds become a day. A sensation of sinking endlessly within myself. At some point I, my conscious, separates from the body of Hakuno Kishinami, and I fall into something I’ve never before come into contact with, another person’s heart —

One long straight shaft descends into the darkness. It’s just like a roller coaster running through an amusement park at night. Is this what means to descend into the core of the heart?

[Occasionally as Caster and Hakuno fall forever a gem-shape floats by. Then, Rin’s disembodied voice starts talking. As a side note, the OST track that plays here is called "Spinal coaster" and it's brilliant.]

Rin :: Can you hear me…? Is this transmitting? With anyone understand my voice, will anyone understand my heart? It doesn’t matter. It’s fine if no one understands. It’s fine if I can’t convey it. The only important thing is me, myself. I just wanted to live in a way I could approve of, that’s all. So I decided I had to control everything, that’s all. Listen to me, you harmless, barely materialized, small-animal-like girl,  I can’t help wasting my time worrying about you. I am the new queen of the moon. If you’re going to stand in my way, I’ll have to make you understand my greatness. Please understand. Understand it. Understand me. My noble suffering is too dazzling for worker ants who grovel on the ground. For people who don’t have the most basic standards, this comes off strangely sometimes. I’m just tired of trying to explain this to people I can’t follow. I’m always at full power. So why — accomplished in art and in war, gifted in intelligence and beauty, the incarnation of elegance! After you take the trouble to care for someone, you can’t forget the kind words of aftercare!? Everyone is too extravagant, they’re emotional gluttons, spiritually obese! I can’t do this anymore. My nice honor student act ends here! The time for gentle leadership has passed. It’s strict control from now on. Like this, see. I’m taking possession of everything, even the right to speak, to say nothing of money. Just watch. I’ll exploit it all until there’s nothing left. And it’ll all be for your sake, by the way!

Caster :: She's still acting superior, but we're surrounded by her resentment. Bitterness, grudges, and anger - she tries to be a righteous person, so it's very like her to try to contain it all. But recognizing weaknesses and enduring through them defines strength. Ahhh. She's got virtues even Leo doesn't have, and I'm surprised she's forgotten that. It seems her resentment has been piling up.

I agree with Caster's words. Rin gets greedy around money and is strict with lazy people, but she believes strongly in freedom of lifestyle.

Rin :: Anyway I’m tired. After so many weird criticisms, I want to whack your stupid head, Hakunon! …That’s right. You’ll at least understand the meaning of my actions soon enough. Of course it’ll be hard for you to understand what I’m saying and how I’m acting, but…I can’t help it, it’s embarrassing to put it into words! It’ll be find, it’s annoying, but understand it, even though there’s no way you could understand! That’s right, there’s no way you could understand. After all everyone’s just a bunch of brainless scarecrows, I’m the only one who really thinks about anything. You’re livestock. Everyone’s emergency rations. I’m savings. And it’s okay like this, everything’s okay. Well, it’s a perfect manifesto, isn’t it? Just fall for me. I’ll do all of you. So just stay quiet and listen to me. I’ll never do anything bad!

> …yeah, I’m scared so I’ll stay quiet.
[>] …no, I want to object after all.

Caster :: Yes, just like that, Master. Rin's proposal is cheap. It doesn't permit strength through blood, sweat, and tears. Harden your heart, and let's beat some sense into Rin! Let's knock her down from her "Heroine" pedestal!

Rin :: …what? It’s annoying when you buzz like insects. Are you going to defy me again? Unbelievable…you won’t understand no matter what i say. Fine. If you can’t trust me when I’m this capable, I don’t know. I don’t know, I just don’t know! But I’m the queen after all, so I can just do what I like! The queen of the moon…no, not just the moon…I’m the queen of the Earth, the queen of space, the queen of the world, the queen of everything! I’ll only do what I think is right. Good and evil, demand and supply, bargain goods and rare goods, I’ll decide it all! That’ll be fine. No complaints, right? No, I won’t allow complaints. Or you’ll never give me a goddamn break. You’ll even think of being in my place. You’ll never even worry about me. You’ll never even suffer for me. You never, ever, do a single damn thing for me — !

Rin’s unconscious scream echoes around me. Her voice sharply cuts at all invaders, but at the same time it’s miserable. Amid all her selfish assertions a voice asking to be saved appears and disappears.

But my voice can’t reach Rin. Up until now this roller coaster has been one long drop time of unilaterally hearing her stifled unconscious thoughts. All we can do is silently let ourselves be taken for a ride down the infinite illusory rail of her heart. After what feels like an instant, or an eternity, the core of Rin’s heart comes into view.

[We enter an odd place with more gem shapes floating around, where we find Rin and Lancer, and the Rin-relief wall.]

Rin :: So you really came. Never bored of stealing looks at people’s secrets, you barge into the core of someone’s heart with your shoes on…If this were a country with a constitutional government, you would be immediately imprisoned, given life imprisonment and perpetual manual labor, but…I think you for coming to my heart. I’m lenient. I’ll let this indiscretion go as a child’s game once more.

Rin grandly lords over us intruders. That’s just the Rin I just remember. She’s different from the previous Rins that made me so uncomfortable. Full of self-confidence, surveying her surroundings leaving not a single opening, never taken in by provocation…this is, without a doubt, the real Rin Tohsaka…!

Caster :: Ah, she's become awfully generous. In that case, before we fight, there's something I'd like to clarify. Why did you invite me and Master into this sleek "Reverse Side of the Moon"? What is your objective?

[The word she uses for "you" here is what you might use for noble ladies at the negotiation table.]

Rin :: My objective? Because it was necessary, of course. You’re all worker ants bequeathed to me. My slaves who labor on the far side of the moon until you exhaust yourselves.

Rin says it as if it were obvious. That’s no different from the act of draining blood from the NPCs and Masters in the torture chamber. …I’ve been averting my eyes, telling myself “that’s not the real Rin,” but I was wrong. Whether she’s the real thing or a fake, as long as Rin is saying that, I’ll have to give her a hard blow…!

Rin :: Oh my — the confusion is gone from your eyes. Good, it won’t be fun otherwise. By working all of you to the bone, I can expand the Labyrinth, until it reaches the Moon Cell Core, and I can get my hands on the system. Great power must be controlled by the chosen people. to be noble is to bear the responsibility to rule from the moment of your birth. Well, honestly it’s a huge pain and I’d personally prefer to just smash the thing, but…somehow, I can’t help wanting to control it!

Lancer :: Heehee, that’s my Rin. Or should I say my queen? You are the one who will obtain the Moon Cell.

Rin :: Right. You two should follow Lancer’s example and address me as your queen, not Rin Tohsaka. If you do, I’ll spare your lives. No, say it. Say it loud, make a declaration of it. This is your last chance, Kishinami!

…looking at it calmly, Rin’s eyes rest from their circuit of the room to fix on us.

> Please calm down, my queen.
[>] Aren’t you being deceived, my queen?
> What’s up with that miniskirt?

Rin :: Deceived…of course I’m not! I really am the queen of the moon after all!

…I’m really not going to be able to reach her via conversation…We won’t be able to determine who’s in charge here except by strength. But…before that, there’s one last thing I want to figure out. Why is Rin fixated on being a “queen”? Don’t girls usually want to be princesses?

Rin :: Huh? Don’t be stupid, a queen is absolutely better than a princess. After all, a princess can’t control her country’s budget.

— All right, I’ll beat her. This is for the sake of the world, its people, and the Moon Cell…!

Caster :: Ah, a new type of courtesan! I see. Even though she's the serious type, being too greedy causes kingdoms to fall, huh. A gathering storm on the moon; wind and flowers; as the final touch - a fly in the ointment. For Rin's sake, let's harden our hearts and defeat her bad side!

[The little poem there concluded with a pun on her name. Basically, the Japanese expression used here for "fly in the ointment" is "defect in a jewel", but the kanji it uses for "jewel" reads "Tama". It could be unintentional, but I doubt it.]

Rin :: What, why are you looking at me like a criminal…! Fine, if that’s how you’re going to be, we’ll settle which of us is right! Let’s go, Lancer! We’ll show them that we are the chosen nobility!

Modified from the translation at https://tsukinoura.wordpress.com/2013/07/22/entry-42-fall-to-the-center-of-the-heart/. Please support the original translator.