Entry 47: BB Channel, educational programming

BB :: To everyone behind the monitor - good evening. It’s time for the BB Channel, the number one most-browsed content in the Moon Cell. I’m your host, everyone’s little devil BB-chan! And my viewers are all of you pitiful sheep holed up in the old school building. Ah, you over there, umm…seaweed-like-hair guy, not matter how much you struggle, you can't escape!

[Laugh track.]

BB :: This program is brought to you by hacking your senses of sight and hearing in their entirety. ♥ Closing your eyes won’t help. Blocking your ears won’t help. This is a nightmare that shakes all of your escapism-prone brains. It’s a real jet coaster movie you have no choice but to watch through until the end! Heehee, this service is so spirited and lively, it even embarrasses me!

…what’s going on!? In a complete change from the student council room, I find myself in a studio. No, I’m not in a studio, I’m seeing a studio. There’s nothing else here. I can’t see Leo, or Rin, or my own hands and feet. It’s as if I’ve become a camera…!

BB :: Oh, I’ll also be dismissing your questions. Only Hakuno-senpai has the right to speak, so Leo, Rin, you can both shut up, okay? All right. This time on the BB Channel, I’ll be explaining the basic rules. Your problem is “How can we escape!?” You all want to know, right? Really, I was planning to explain earlier and get rid of Rin, buuutttt…silly me, I was having so much fun surprising senpai, I just ended up playing around. I'm repentant ☆.

BB stands there in the middle of the studio smiling. …but what she just said was awful. She said she was going to “get rid of Rin.” It sounded almost like a joke from her tone, but…

Caster :: Her eyes aren't smiling. That evil Sakura - Dark Sakura? She really meant to kill Rin.

BB :: Oh? Is that Caster? Ah, speaking rights were shared to you because you’re contracted to Senpai. Well, that’s okay I guess. So, like Leo conjectured, there’s an exit when you get out of the Sakura Labyrinth. If you want to escape from the far side of the moon, just going through the Labyrinth should be okay! But that would be boring, right? That’s why I’ve added a special program to the Labyrinth. Now for a question ♥ What is that special program? Senpai, do you know the answer?

> Shields?
> Walls?
[>] R-18?

BB :: [laughs] A-ah, of course you went with that one! But unfortunately, that's incorrect. If it were up to me, I'd like to make you correct, but I do still have to play my role as host properly. Correct answer: Shields. Incorrect answer: Walls. Please read the mood, you eight bit fool?

[Laugh track]

BB :: And you all know what the shields are, right? They’re my new program, my pride and joy! Putting girls into the core of the Labyrinth…my ground-breaking fire walls!

Putting girls into the core of the Labyrinth…? Which means that she used Rin…she uses humans as her tools…!?

BB :: Yep. Human or AI, it doesn’t matter, you’re raw materials. Please think of being treated equally as an honor instead. Practically speaking, it makes an excellent fortification, doesn’t it? Girls’ hearts are complex and mysterious. There exists no stronger fortification. ♥ The only difficulty is that there are limits to their breadth and their number. One girl’s heart can only repaint three floors at most. Superior Masters to act as cores…Girl Masters, with secrets, in quasi-spiritual form, are rare materials, quite hard to come by. Among the Masters I captured, she and Rin were the only ones I used as cores.

— Wait. “She and Rin were the only ones I used as cores,” meaning…

BB :: Heeheehee…Well then, it’s time to introduce the next Sakura Labyrinth boss, our sentimental sentinel makes her appearance! 

[She waves her point/wand thing and Rani appears.] 

BB :: Our boss this time is exotic and academic! With an intellectual white coat and glasses, and a glamorous forehead, a hopeless/smooth slender beauty! Yes, she is the pride of the Atlas Institute, the last homunculus on Earth! Rani VIII!

Rani :: ……….

 

BB :: I really don’t know about that thing she’s wearing under the cardigan, has the Atlas Institute no sense of shame? My heart starts racing just thinking about it.

[Look BB, I don’t think you’re in a position to make comments like that about other people’s outfits.]

Rani :: ………

BB :: …Hm. Unlike Rin, Rani doesn’t seem to be talkative. Come on, go ahead and say something. Let’s have a biting comment for the little puppies who’ll be challenging you from now on!

Rani :: — BB. I don’t like excessive direction. If they invade the fourth layer, I will simply deal with them as befits foreign bodies. Miss Tohsaka was the trial version, after all. I will be the proof of just how dangerous the applied structure of a girl’s heart is.

…I wonder. I can’t see or hear her, but I get the feeling that nearby, Rin is loudly booing that line.

BB :: Yes ♥ Thank you so much for that splendid comment ♥ [She disappears Rani.] You all understand now, right? Simple games are boring. The idea here that wasn’t in the near side’s Grail War is my Sentinel System. If you want to get out, you’ll need to capture our unassailable Rani. Take however long you need. This is the far side of the moon. Since you’ve dropped out of the Holy Grail War, you’ve been freed from its rules. “Losers will be eliminated” — that rule no longer applies. When you’re here, you don’t have to disappear. …though it’s really aggravating that that infirmary AI followed you here…but BB-chan has a heart larger than the sea. So as long as you’re in the school building, I’ll leave you be. I won’t guarantee your human rights, but I recognize freedom in itself. All dreams and delusions are free. Brain simulation is an embarrassing source of motivation for humans, isn’t it. Please, discharge your youthful libido freely, everyone. Oh, but be careful, okay? Since, at my core, I loathe all of you — The Labyrinth is always waiting, licking its lips, waiting to kill you.

[The “screen” winks off.]

 Unchanged from the original at https://tsukinoura.wordpress.com/2013/07/26/entry-47-bb-channel-educational-programming/. Please support the original translator.