Entry 43: The Phoenix Wright of destroying girls’ self-esteem

[There’s one thing I’d like to note about the boss battle. Before boss battles in Fate/Extra, the class picture for each Servant would appear beside each team. Here, in place of that, next to Rin appears the image that was shown during the chapter’s opening narration, which looked like this:]

[Anyway, we beat up Lancer.]

We won…! Caster and I still aren't close to our previous power level, but we were still able to honestly defeat Rin and Lancer.

Lancer :: Oh, looks like we lost. Well, I guess that’s fine? It’s a rehearsal after all, just an opening act this time. Well, bye Rin. We were only partners for a little while, but you were relatively cute.

[She walks away and vanishes.]

Rin :: Ugh…ah…I…I haven’t…lost…I can…I can, still, fight…!

Caster :: She's got unbelievable guts. It seems we can't reform her by brute strength alone. This is your time to shine, Master. Use your usual cool verbal abuse to turn her "tsun" into "dere"!

[Google "tsundere" if you're still not sure what this is.]

 

Urged on by Caster, I approach Rin. Lancer has disappeared. So Rin poses no more threat to us. Now if I can persuade her, everything should be resolved —

Rin :: Don’t…don’t you, mock me…! If this is what it’s come to, then the last resort — I’ll take you with me!

…! I immediately look around for Caster, but it’s too late. The hand I held out meets only air, and my consciousness is swallowed by darkness like a ship into a whirlpool.
Where is this? The world has completely changed. I don’t see Rin anywhere. I don’t see Caster anywhere. It doesn’t feel real. Is this, maybe — inside that sculpture of Rin…?

Rin :: Right. Your Servant won’t be able to help you here. This is the genuine article, a secret room with only you and me, one to one. Which is to say, a jail. Sorry, but there’s no exit. This is my heart. You’re completely trapped inside.

I see…so this is the core of Rin’s heart. The restriction, the dress, part of the congealed stagnant backwaters.

[Hakuno, tell me if you’re aware of the chapter opening narration earlier than that. Anyway, Rin appears now.]

Rin :: …w, well, you’re calm about this. You know that no one’s going to come save you? And there’s no exit? Aren’t you going to panic?

There’s no need for that. Maybe I was just speechless to start with, but now for some strange reason I feel calm. Maybe it’s because, if this is the core of her heart, I could maybe defeat Rin with words.

Rin :: W-what…!? Defeat me!? When I’ve got you captured!?

No, more corporal punishment than defeat. I don’t know why, but Rin hurt many NPCs, and she’s caused plenty of damage to us too. I’ll punish her for that here. If this is her heart, there’s nowhere for her to run…!

Rin :: Ugh…! If that’s what you want, go ahead and come at me! I won’t lose to the likes of you, Hakunon! I’ll repudiate anything you say to me perfectly, and throw the attack back at you…!

The stagnant water of her heart turns to thorns that turn toward me. …it’s fine, I’ve got a good chance of winning. If I make free use of the SGs I’ve gathered, I’ll be able to make Rin reconsider her actions…!

[Rin’s Secret Garden image, first version, appears, and the screen declares PUNISH START.]

Rin :: Uh…what is this force of will…!? It’s not like Kishinami — it’s maybe, kind of cool…Argh, what am I saying! I can’t let my guard down, I have to refuse her with all my power. Kishinami! You say you’ll make me reconsider, but what have I done wrong!?

First let’s review. Rin hoarded more wea…money that necessary. She said all she believed in was money. What was that called?

[>] Mammonism
> Corruption doctrine

[A layer of flowers is removed from the image.]

Rin :: And what’s so bad about that! You could maybe even call it cute…Money is…the future! To do research, to wage war, even to go on a date you need money. Hakunon, you’d rather watch a movie from a set of luxurious premium seats at a theater than on a video site in your room, right? “Money is Love Power,” get it?

[English on that last phrase in quotes there.]

Watching a movie with Rin…Maybe that would be fun if we get out of here. Though I don’t know, searching out videos on the web can be pretty fun too.

Rin :: W-who said we’d be going together!? It's not like I think it'd be fun to do things with you or anything, Hakunon!

This is, what do you call it, blatant…

> Temptation
[>] Templation

[Another flower layer gone.]

Rin :: No, that’s not it. You can’t just go around labeling people as, conventional, or tsundere, or whatever! I’m just doing what I like! I decide for myself, I take care of myself, I take responsibility for myself…what’s wrong with that!? People are obligated to be their own masters. Renouncing that would be nothing but laziness.

There are times I want a break
I’m human
Hakunon

Which is why, running from extreme to extreme, the true self and its opposite polarity — She has a wish, a taboo desire. Rin’s final secret, that is —

[>] Desire for subordination
> Desire for control

[Last layer gone.]

Rin :: Shut up shut up shut up shut uuppp! I wouldn’t do that, that’s something no one should say…For my decisions, my evaluations, my actions, my feelings, from the top of my head to the tips of my nails, every gram of my blood, every one of my tears, for none of that to me mine — No matter how sweet it might appear, if you were like that, you human dignity would…no, if you were like that, you wouldn’t be human anymore, so you wouldn’t need to worry about that…

It’s no use like this. She’s too strict with herself, but she’s looking for an escape route. It’s just a one time trick of the imagination. I’ll have to commit a taboo. To put it plainly there’s no other way.

[>] Return to your true self, you capitalist…dog!

[There the image breaks, showing bits of another image underneath.]

Rin :: Ah…!!!!? Wha-what are you shouting about!?? And, dog, did you just call me a dog!??

Yeah, I did. Though the correct term would be “capitalist bitch.”

Rin :: ……Kishinami. I have the feeling you just used a word far worse than “dog,” but my ears could be deceiving me?

[>] You must be aware of it, being one yourself!
> …oh, maybe pig would have been better…?

Rin :: Ah…!? I, I am not! I’m just a reasonable, elegant mammonist, not a dog or…No, no, that’s wrong! Why would I feel relieved to be scolded!?  This, this isn’t me! Oh, but somehow I feel so much better…why…am I really a dog…? No, no way, no, absolutely not! I am always rational! It might be too advanced for you to understand, Hakunon, but I’ve though out all my actions carefully up to now! I am perfect! I have to be! I’d never complain, not even once…!

> You really are squealing like a piglet!
[>] Well I’ll leave it all to you then!

Rin :: —! Right, then everything will be fine, thank you, Hakunon! Just let me take care of everything! Let go of all your careful precautions, and I’ll gently, firmly, drain you of your funds!

[I lose one point of life.]

…crap. Her self confidence is on the rise again. I can’t allow this. She’s going back to the troublesome queen she’s been acting as up until now.

[>] You really are squealing like a piglet!
> Well I’ll leave it all to you then!

[The SG picture is gone now.]

Rin :: Hyaa…! Sq, squeal, squealing…I did not squeal! I was just emphasizing my point! Why do you keep saying terrible things!? Why, why won’t you look at the real me!?

[Alt. translations for squeal: cry/whine]

“What I say and what I do are different. But please understand my innermost thoughts —”
That’s nothing but whining. The Rin Tohsaka I know would never sound so pathetic. On the other hand, no one will ever see the “real Rin Tohsaka.” Rather than acknowledge that, rather than preparing herself to be disliked by others, Rin was stern with everyone she met. That was Rin’s kindness, and her beauty. And now? She just forces her thoughts on others and starts bawling if they disagree. To say she’s carefully considering the future while she acts like this is absurd. Rin isn’t thinking of anything but herself right now!

Rin :: But, I — I just want to relax once and a while…I wanted to try being honest with myself…! What, is that wrong!? It’s okay to think of myself! It’s natural that I’m the most precious to myself!

[>] Then take full responsibility for it!
> That’s not true!

Rin :: Aaauuuuuuu —- !

Rin :: Stop it…please, stop it…I hear what you’re saying…I hear it, so please…I don’t want be responsible…but I can’t be honest about it…if I take responsibility, I can’t say what I want to say…!

…that may be the case. But still, the one who’s insisting on those ideas is Tohsaka herself. The one who bears both the responsibility to lead people and the responsibility to be hated by people but still hold her head high is Rin Tohsaka.

Rin :: You can tell me that, you can, but…! I’m precious to myself. I know that’s natural! What should I do, at this point —

That much is obvious. It is natural to be the most precious to yourself. But that’s nothing to be ashamed of. What would be worth being ashamed of would be holding only yourself dear. Why is Rin strict with people? Because she can’t ignored the potential she can see in people.

> Being strict with others and with yourself is what it means to be a Tohsaka.

Rin :: Ah — aah, ah —, ah…! Oh…that’ll be, fine…I’m…even though I’m really weak, I act tough with all my might, I put on a brave face ’til the end, I…Right, that’s Rin Tohsaka. My favorite, my conviction — Ah…it feels good, but it’s embarrassing…you can see everything…But, it’s all right…who I am at the bottom of my heart can’t be changed…so I’ll be fine with this — You may forget all of this when you leave this place, but I’ll thank you anyway. Thank you Hakunon, for setting me free. …yeah. 

Rin :: But, let me say one thing. I’m going to give you a really good smack for this later.

[Fade to white]

Modified from the translation at https://tsukinoura.wordpress.com/2013/07/23/entry-43-the-phoenix-wright-of-destroying-girls-self-esteem/. Please support the original translator.